7^th August saw our yearly beach party. The club looked amazing decorated with palm trees, paddling pools, beach balls and the like and we also had free flower garlands for all our customers.

We had a guest appearance from our very own Baywatch Babe ‘DORIS’. She entered with great gusto, accosting the door staff on the way in and she even took Saskia into a booth to show her how it’s done!!

At the end of the evening Doris changed her face and did her hair for her very own pole show.

A big thanks to all the Shady Ladies who took part and got into the spirit of things by dressing in bikinis and hula outfits and a huge thank you to all our customers who came and had so much fun with us.

What is it with men?! They just can’t seem to read a sign on a door which clearly has the picture of a WOMAN on it? We’ve discovered that they seem to think the ladies toilet is for them to use and when you go in and ask “What are you doing? Your in the wrong toilet” they just look at you completely oblivious!!!!!!! You’d think they would realise upon entering the the Ladies that there is a distinct lack of urinals. But no, they continue into the cubicles….normally with door staff running behind them to correct there mistake. Why oh why!!!!!! And whilst on the subject of navigational errors, let’s talk about THE PHONE BOOTH! For some strange reason, once people get into the Club they seem to develop this strange inability to find there way out. It’s just the reverse of how they came in!!!  Customers will walk around the Club in a circle, walk past the big opening at the top of the stairs with LED lights all around screaming EXIT at them that they came up in the first place and are STILL not able to find there way out. You can even point them in the right direction and they will still walk past it!!!! Their favourite place to try and get out is the phone booth, which is so small you couldn’t even swing a cat (or our Boss Lisa!!) And they actually walk into it as if it’s going to open up into a massive exit. It’s not a Tardis!!! So for future reference, THE EXIT IS LOCATD AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS…….you know, the ones you walked up in the first place!!!!!

August always brings an influx of stag parties coming into the Club. The girls LOVE having stag parties in as they’re always so lively and so much fun. The stags are normally subjected to an entertaining and enjoyable stage show and we have found that instead of just paying us a quick visit at some point through their evening, they are starting to come in and stay for the majority of the night, which is great for the Club as they are obviously enjoying themselves!!! We’re also receiving more and more feedback from satisfied customers which the girls love!! 

As well as August being wedding season its also holiday season and Matt, our head doorman, had been dog sitting for Saskia whilst she went on her jollies and was telling us about one of his jaunts with the extra special “NANOOK”. While out walking with him along the canal they were chased by some swans, which it turns out, were just protecting there young. On telling us this story he proudly told us “Yeah, they were protecting THE SWANLINGS” !!!!!!!!! We looked at him with complete surprise and asked “ what he was on about”? When we queried him, we said don’t you mean ” THE CYGNETS ” and then started laughing. He then very proudly went on to tell us what big arms they have !!!!!!!!!!!!! (Not wing span might I add !! ) Our very own door team are now know as  ” THE SWANLINGS “.

With lots of new summer tunes coming out throughout August the girls have been in their elements performing on stage. Lindsey’s ” We No Speak Americano” has proved a big hit with the customers and girls alike. Sometimes maybe a little too much of a hit as within a few weeks of her performing the song the girls would all rush to the stage to do the dance routine together!!!! One particular night we saw a very eventful performance from our very own Saskia and Sam ( aka Sandy and Danny ). Everyone was thoroughly entertained as they both decided that they were going to do there own rendition of GREASE. Summer Lovin’ brought to you by Shades !!

We also had a flying visit from Taylor, all the way from Ibiza !! It was great to have her back and for her to be playing us up as usual. ”WHATEVER”  I believe was her comment. Thanks for your contribution !!!!!! See you again very soon.

Saturday bought our Help for Heroes charity night. As with all theme nights we hold Sergeant Major Saskia rallies the troops and all the girls, bar staff and security get into the swing of things with great enthusiasm. Santos, our Portuguese Prince, had agreed to have his chest waxed later on in the evening to help us raise money and he raised £205!!!!!! Of course this wouldn’t have been complete without Saskia and Zoe whipping the wax stripsof him with great gusto. By the end of it all he was rather patchy and looked like he had a bad case of hives. Everyone else was very generous with there donationsand we raised a total of £724.83. Thank you so much everyone.

We also had a lovelyemail this week from a stag group that had frequented the Club at the weekend. As is usual with stags they were taken on stage and stripped, whipped and humiliated (all in good taste). They said they had a great timeand would defiately be coming back. It’s so nice to have positive feedback and really boosts the girls morale knowing that they’re doing a good job. Here was one of our favourite parts of the email:

“A special thank you goes to all the girls for putting our groom at ease so we could lull him into a false sense of security before his starring moment on stage getting whipped with Uncle Pete’s belt, i believe this has now been retired to the great bin in the sky due to the mental images it will always bring to him”

Job Done

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A ‘RIPPER’

That isn’t a typo in the title, us Shady Ladies are not running around Yorkshire with a scathe. No. Although after a customer came to the bar, after downing a few too many sherbets, and asking “errr………eshcuse meee, where are all the rippers?” it’s become this weeks nickname for the Shady Ladies.

This week we’re giving you an insight into our working lives and rituals.

THE NORM:

We have a shower before work. Tan ourselves so you think we’ve been sunbathing in the buff somewhere hot and tropical. Straighten, curl tease and back comb the life out of our hair until our scalps are begging for mercy. Plaster on enough makeup to keep Max Factor enjoying his life on a yacht in the south of France. Don the smallest clothing, the highest shoes and voila… you have a ripper, i mean stripper:P

We hit the Club floor and enjoy our nights talking to different people, performing on the pole, lapping it up on stage and generally having a ball. What an awesome job we have!!!!!! BUT, then there’s the odd night where not everything goes to plan….so i shall explain.

NOT THE NORM:

Having a man come into the Club and asking to rub our feet for us instead of letting us dance for him. Most dancers don’t mind obliging and offering up there poorly tootsies for some TLC whilst getting paid for it. What we do mind is our Boss (we know it’s her with feet no bigger than a babies) poking her toes under the dance curtain and wiggling them around like fish bait during the process. Its hard enough for us dancers to maintain a straight faceat the best of times!!!

After a dance has finished us ladies thank our fabulous customers and proceed to get dressed. Except for some of the girls this seems to pose a problem. Bex, has on occasion, popped her head out of a booth shouting to all and sundry that she cannot find her thong, only for Rob and Lisa to do a quick sweep and find it in the middle of the Club, on the floor, obviously having been attached to a customer. And that’s not our only dancer who prefers to be naked. Oh no, Lexi has called the office from her mobile, in a booth in total panic, saying she couldn’t find her bra. Again Lisa and Rob come to the rescue and start glancing around the Club only to find it on the leg of an innocent customer. I have no clue how he missed it though as Lex is….ummmm…well endowed up top, shall we say. The customer must have looked like he’d landed into the Club by parachute!!!!!

Something elas that falls into “NOT THE NORM” category but is becoming increasingly popular is the “man dance” and Sass seems to attract them. She takes a man into a booth and on seeing what a wonderful job he does gyrating around and looking all sexy, the men think it’s  the perfect opportunity to show her THEIR skills. Fail. After begrudgingly parking her arse on the seat they proceed to boogie around the booth looking like Ricky Martin on acid while Sass recoils in horror. The last time it happened she stood up, patted him on the shoulder and said “don’t call us we’ll call you!”

And the most recent additionto our list is “Toilet girl Auditionee”  Oh yes. You heard it here first. We had someone audition to be a Shady Lady in the frikin toilet!!!!! Two girls walked into the Club and went straight to the toilet, not unusual. What was unusual was that they proceeded to stay in there for 20 minutes just talking and looking at themselves in the mirror. One of the girls made me aware of this so i decidedto investigate. Enter Sass into the toilets asking the girl if her name was Sparkle and had she come to audition? The answer back was “No, we haven’t …but can we?” Of course being the master of the Man Dance Sass obliged but beffore she could say anything one of the girls lifted up her summer dress to reveal pink, stripy,baggy knickers, with what she described as a puppy dog on the back. There may well be a marketfor that kind of attire but having not come acroass it yet Sass politely declined their offer of an audition.

There’s literally hundreds of stories similar to these that have happened since we opened our doors over two years ago and as funny and sometimes wird as it is the Not The Norm” shenanigans of Shades that make all our jobs enjoyable!!!!

*DISCLAIMER: No thongs, bra’s, pink stripy baggy puppy dog knickers or men were harmed during these instances.

…cause it’s going to get bumpy!!!!

First off, welcome to the all new Shades website. It features all past and more imprtantly, our upcoming events, gives info on our Club, the opening times and has a few cheeky pictures of our “Shady Ladies” too. We ALSO have this brand spanking new blog… and this is where you’ll need your seatbelt. You, dear reader, will have UNLIMITED access to articles written by the girls themselves. You’ll be privy to backstage gossip and all the Shady Ladies funny stories (and trust us, there’s plenty!!)

This week started with a bang, poor Sass had arrived for work in a denin skirt, vest and Ugg boots carrying a bag that could fit several small people in and was immediately accosted by a man for a dance. “Don’t you want me to get changed first i asked?” The man declined and whisked Sass of for a dance…in her Uggs…with no music on!! (Apparently she hummed the theme tune to Eastenders in her head for 3 minutes!!)

Rob the cash machine Kid has had to install a “special” light at the side of our cash machine. It’s special because because only “special” people fail to see where to put there cards! How hard can it be ?! Surely they use them all the time? But no, we still see people trying to force there plastic into any orifice or opening they can find. The funny thing is they now don’t know how to switch the light on, but Rob is always at hand to run over and help them through the process!!!!

Lisa has had 2 new tattoos this week. A tribal one at the bottom of her back and and 2 Chinese symbols at the top of her back. She’s told us all they mean Love and Happiness but we all know its chicken fried rice and curry sauce!!!!

We’ve also had a few new girls start this week. One is an ex ballerina and is amazingly elegant and beautiful to watch on the pole so if you are paying us a visit any time soon make sure you stay to see her performance.

This Saturday is our bi-annual Help for Heroes charity night. Everyone is looking forward to it and the girls love our dress up nights. Last year, by the end of the night, most of them covered themselves in camouflage cream… it looked a sexy A-Team episode in the Club!! Help for Heroes is a charity that’s very close to all our teams hearts, whether its because they are ex military themselves or have a family serving at home or abroad. We are hoping to raise more money than last year to help support our troops so make sure you come and join us!! (Did we mention Santos, our barman, is having his chest waxed live on stage for donations?!) Check the blog next week for pics!! xxx